Worst Teacher

The first time that I read the name “Ms. Merril” across the classroom whiteboard I thought, “Hmmmm, Ms.?” My judgment about why a forty-something year old woman was unmarried immediately began. The desk from which she stood behind was as cold as the face she wore. There were no pictures of family, no tacky pencil holders, and no form of life other than the stack of papers that were waiting to be graded.  I wondered what kind of life she had. She had short dark hair, and wore loose Carhart jeans and a plain shirt. Her face was thin, and her eyes appeared black. She had pressed her small lips together unless she spoke, and when she spoke, her tone was aggressive, and her words seemed angry. My judgments would continue. I would often wonder, “Why would any woman dress so masculine? Why doesn’t this woman have children? Is she grumpy because no man would marry her?”.  I studied her expressions and her body language hard, and assumed she felt my annoyed energy. What was wrong with this teacher? Who talks like that?  How could anyone be so unfriendly-especially a female?

 Months would continue, and my fellow classmates and I suffered through the painful Earth Science course that had been required and chosen for us each to take. Ms. Merril asked each question to the class in a condescending way, that made you question every bit of yourself, and left each person feeling utterly embarrassed for moments later.  When students asked questions, Ms. Merril had even colder answers.

The following semester, Ms. Merril resigned. I had always wondered months, and even years later what had happened to her. I even fantasized that perhaps she was a happy person. Maybe she did have children and a loving husband at home. And maybe the judgments of twelve, fourteen year old students were inaccurate. Perhaps her abrupt tone and “I don’t take B.S” attitude was exactly what we needed to learn the material. However, I don’t remember a single thing about Earth Science…..